Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
