I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
