dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
