i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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