We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
