I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
