i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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