After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Couch. On fire.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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