if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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