the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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