But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
