new low.... made out with someone while peeing
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
