my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
