that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
