i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
