Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
