I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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