So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
