my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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