There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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