...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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