I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
