im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
