Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Holy shit dude........stairs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
