I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
