what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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