I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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