if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
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