if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
