i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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