Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
