i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
