after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
