Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
