dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
