I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
