call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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