I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
