Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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