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Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
