remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
