she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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