Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize