You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
