what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize