like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
