it's too hot outside to masturbate.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
