The maid of honor just puked.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Randomize
