Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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