i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
