So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
