So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
