I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Randomize
