im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Someone signed my nipple.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
