Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
My vagina just recognized that song.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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