Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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