Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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