your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
why didn't you poke me back
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
