I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
