Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
