I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Two words: nipple clamps
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