My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
