Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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