dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
