Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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