Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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