Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
