It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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