Having a random hookup so left but love u
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
