fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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