i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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