This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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