how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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