420 ftw
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
