dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
