We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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