I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
