Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
