I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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