Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
