I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
