I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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