just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
