By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
