porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
