This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
