What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize