I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You left your phone here
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