One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
