Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Randomize
